What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
