Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
They have beer where we have blood.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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