the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
