His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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