it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
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I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
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The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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