his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
