Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
