It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
