Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
