What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
