I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
