You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
