i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
