so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
