Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Randomize
