This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
