Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
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