Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
