Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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