Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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