Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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