What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I wish life had little blips of pornography
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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