She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
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