is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
