He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
