Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
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We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
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I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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