You can't special order awesome
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
