bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
