my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
