We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
