i wish my penis had a tongue
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
