I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
