please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
