God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
