I can text with my tongue
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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