He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
How does one acquire holy water?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
