She went from zero to smokin in five shots
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
