If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
