Cold hands, warm shart.
I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
