put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
