i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I'm at about main and main street
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
