Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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