Reggie can tackle my bush.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Randomize
