what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
