So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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