Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
