i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
