I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
