aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
My apartment stinks of burning failure
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
