I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
