i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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