Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize