i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
