I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
