Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
