I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
