I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
