so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
