Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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