Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Randomize
