Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Randomize
