I bet he comes in French.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
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