respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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